Nutritious and Fictitious!


-Is this the truth?-

Reported and written by: Smyte.

Some shocking evidence was uncurled for this article which leads to certain proof, in my eyes, that Jesus Christ was a Jedi.
The basis of this report spawned by a conversation with THE Man himself.

"Smyte: 'Heyo god. Smyte has returned.'
God: 'You have my full attention. I am a Christian.'
Smyte: 'Does this mean Jesus died for your sins?'
God: 'I suppose it does mean that.'
Smyte: So you are not the father of Christ.'
God: 'Who is the father?'
Smyte: 'Darth Vader?'"

At this point, God refused to coment further on the subject, yet all of a sudden, the world seemed to make a lot more sense.
From this point, I would like to provide adequate examples of his powers used in The Bible:

1. The blind man- Jesus was reported to have made a blind man see. It is very easily mistaken to be read as this. I figure that 'he made the blind man see...through the force' was meant to be the full story.
2. Curing the sick- Jesus had uncomparable healing abilities, can anyone say 'force heal'.
3. Feeding the thousands- He supposedly fed thousands of people with a mere five loaves and two fishes. To me that sounds like he scoffed them himselves and a simple Jedi mind trick mediated the masses.
4. Resurrection after 3 days- Here's the good one. Meditation, Jedis love the stuff, a slight three day meditation would be nothing to a Jedi. Then simply force push the heavy boulder away, followed by a force push back.

You could consider this report as crazy garble, but I believe we here at GC's news have determined that "A long, long time ago" was roughly 2006 years ago- a long, long time indeed.

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